My original topic was about the "open relationship", the polyamorous, or multi-partner relationships. I follow Aubrey Marcus' podcast, have read his book "Own your day, own your life," and I've taken his "Go for your win" online course.
- Commentary: I would strongly advise his book and/or his course. The information there within has been covered by self-help gurus and biohackers, but Aubrey's style of delivery makes his work very worthwhile. Personally, his book and course have helped redirect my life and choices to better myself and become the best version of me. I know, that sounds super-cliche and dumb-cheesy, but his work was the perfect material at the perfect time and I do not apologize for loving it.
- Commentary: If you want to learn more there are some great interviews with Dr. Chris Ryan, I think that's his name, on Aubrey Marcus' podcast. Dr. Ryan wrote a book detailing tribal living and sex. In the book he talks about some of the sexual rituals and relationships of tribal living. It's interesting, at the very least, and he makes a good argument.
I was going to avidly disagreed with this position. I was going to comment on how my people, the Jews (among the oldest of the civilized peoples), have been practicing marriage and monogamy for many millennia. I argued that this is because monogamy addresses the dark side of humanity, jealousy. I argued that polyamory may work in a tribal, intimate, environment, but it does not work in the close, over-crowded proximity of city life. Finally, I argued that humans evolve. We have evolved into monogamy. Monogamy has come from physical, emotional and spiritual needs to connect.
I argued all of this, and then I looked around...
Most of my friends parents are divorced. Most of my friends remain unwed or have divorced. I have friends that have lost their marriages due to an inability to "keep it in their pants," both men and woman. I have friends that have let the ravages of time tear away at the fabric of their relationship until there was little to none left. I have watched as the people around me, "grow apart," "let it whither," and "change too much."
I thought it was because they did not put enough into the relationships. Did not communicate enough, did not show vulnerability or express their ever-changing desires. I thought it was because one or both parties stop listening and ultimately stop talking. Perhaps this is all true.
However, how many people have to fail at relationships before we realize that maybe it is the structure of the relationships that is at fault. Unreal expectations, inability to verbalize needs, and poor listening skills may just be part of being human and perhaps expecting people who are obviously not ready to commit to one person is folly... ???
I am married to a stunner of woman and we have two amazing daughters. I CANNOT begin to image being intimate with anyone else, but I do have urges, I find women attractive. I sincerely believe this is part of being human. I also sincerely believe in the commitment I made to my wife. I do not feel lessened because I deny my urges. I feel empowered. Empowered because I am in charge of my body, my mind and, most importantly, my choices. The covenant with my wife is not meant to be easy, but then again, nothing that matters is...
I guess where I end up is that I understand the argument for open relationships better than I first thought. After careful deliberation I see the arguments for polyamory to be valid on a cultural level, and also how it can productively impact the ever growing divorce-rate. However, I believe that for my person health and empowerment, for me to "win" at being me, I choose the commitment to my wife. I do so without judgment, resentment or jealously to those that choose to live differently. I have merely found what works best for me.
Thanks for reading.
DocBDC
